Turn this nervous energy into bravado – go forth, touch it, feel it. You know what this thing does and yet it’s still a huge mystery – like you can, theoretically, drive any car, but you never know how it feels until you take the wheel. You will compare, you might be self-conscious. Whether this is the first of many or a one-off, now is the time to say exactly what you want. Should you initiate moving on to another step, should you change position, do you reciprocate oral sex or is it OK to only give or receive? This is an opportunity for you to be led but also to try something new, to be whoever you want to be in that moment. Thanks to the patriarchy, sex between men may feel like you’re more an equal, so you might be unsure what your role is. (Tip for post-kiss beard irritation: use water-based moisturiser on your lips, not Vaseline or other oil-based ointments, which can make the burn feel more intense.) Go gentler than usual be gentlemanly and suck face rather than sandpaper it. But, eventually, the stinging will find you. Your pain receptors may not feel it right away because you’re lost in the moment and “holy God, oh, wow, oh, wow, this is finally happening and it’s amazing” and maybe it’s everything you ever thought of and more. Your own chin might, depending on your own beard situation, start to feel raw, as will your lips as they scratch against his face. There may be stubble and if there is, wow, it’s coarse and scratchy. Hard kisses have their place and are welcome and nobody’s suggesting you peck each other like warring hens, but there are side-effects of a hard, full-on snog. Fact is, men kissing for the first time usually kiss too aggressively. There’s no guarantee it will go further but… you can’t be unkissed.
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So let’s talk about it.Arguably, the most exciting part. (Many a vagina and butt have gotten sore from intercourse that goes on too long.) Still, coming very quickly during intercourse is a super-common anxiety, especially among younger people whose penises are in tip-top shape. Contrary to popular belief, there’s no reason on principle that you should try to last as long as possible, especially if everyone’s mood or time constraints call for a quickie. There is no set length of time men “should” last in bed - it really depends on the vibe and the person you’re having sex with. How do you increase the length of intercourse and not come too quickly? How long should men last in bed? Once you’ve done some exploration at your own pace, you’ll gain more clarity about the type of sex or positions you prefer. Meanwhile, even if you don’t yet know your label, try to be as specific as possible about what you want during sex - even if that means being clear about your inexperience. Some guys might not be interested in a slower, intercourse-free encounter, “but it’s better to know that upfront than being in a situation where you feel pressured or coerced.” Make sure that your partner knows you’re new at this, and that you might require some patience.
What does gay sex feel like for a top skin#
Gay dating apps, especially known hookup apps like Grindr, can be blunt and transactional places where rejection is common, Rich warns: “You kinda have to have a thick skin and not take it personally.” But the great thing about these apps is that they set up a space to talk about your limits before you meet up with someone. And of course, you don’t have to have any kind of sex at all if you’re not ready.
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“It’s totally socially acceptable to just have oral sex or make out or jerk off.” Anal sex is a vulnerable act that requires preparation, Rich says, so it’s not unreasonable to make that clear with your partners. “You’re not required to have anal sex before you’re ready,” he says. In terms of penetrative sex, Rich recommends taking it slow and not jumping right into intercourse for the sole purpose of giving yourself a label. All that said, there's no strict definition of any of these things, and they might mean different things to different people- when in doubt, ask! But for non-penetrative sex these terms might refer to a power dynamic.
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When it comes to penetrative sex, being a top or bottom often refers to who is penetrating and who is being penetrated. These terms, while often applied to anal sex, do apply elsewhere, and aren't reserved for men who have sex with men. Generally, a bottom is the receiver, a top is the giver, and vers is someone who does both. So, how do you go about figuring it out? First, let's talk about what these labels mean. It’s “the norm to be unsure and figuring it out.” You should take comfort in the fact that “there’s clinical evidence that it’s a process,” he told me. When I called up my friend Rich Juzwiak, a fellow sex advice columnist over at Slate, this study was the first thing he mentioned.